I see you.
I feel it . . . that wall of self-protection holding back the floodgates of emotions.
You’re wondering how much longer you can keep up this pace before you completely fall apart.
Your fuse is short. You can’t find your words or make sense of your thoughts. You keep making mistakes, showing up late, and missing appointments.
No matter how hard you try to keep it all together, to press on, to meet the next deadline, to fulfill that commitment, to show up for that child, to be enough for that friend, there is simply not enough of you to go around.
You feel like you’re not enough.
Never enough.
So you keep striving.
You keep preaching to your heart and mind, hoping the truth about God’s grace and time-gone-by sayings about bootstraps will spur you on.
You make a new commitment each morning to go to bed a little bit earlier. Make time for exercise.
You set new boundaries, determine to say “no” to the next request to serve.
You put a new system in place for organizing your time.
But it’s not working this time. Nothing is working.
I get it.
That was me.
I thought the problem was me.
But in fact, there was so much more at play.
I was in the throes of burnout without recognizing the symptoms.
By the grace of God, I am on the other side of burnout and renewed with passion to help you get there too!
It is time to reclaim your life!
Yes, you can arise from all that is weighing you down, stabilize in this season, and set the foundation for thriving in the life you’re meant to live.
Ready to find out how?
Take a breath, my friend, and step with me into hope for real and lasting transformation from the inside out as you uncover a new way of living!
How do you know if it’s burnout or something else?
When I think of burnout, I have in my mind a picture of a candle burning at the dinner table. Over the course of the meal, the candle shrinks as the flame melts the wax. The wick continues to burn further and further along until there is nothing left to burn.
That is what happens to women who experience burnout only when they discover there is nothing left to give.
Burnout can happen very slowly when one thing piles upon the next without reprieve. It’s the “too much” that becomes the breaking point. Too much can be . . .
- balancing act of intense work responsibilities
- disappointing outcomes at every career turning point
- mothering a child with particularly intense emotions
- financial pressures that won’t seem to let up
- trying to carve out space for friendships
- caring for aging parents
- dealing with health issues
- enduring marriage challenges
- toxic interactions with family members
- navigating through the impact of childhood trauma
- recent traumatic experiences
- undiagnosed and/or untreated ADHD and anxiety
- emotional strongholds such as unforgiveness, anger, and bitterness
- grieving the loss of a loved one or an experience
- life transitions, both those anticipated and those you did not see coming
Can you see yourself in any of these scenarios?
Burnout for a high-functioning woman feels like running on empty.
That’s because you’ve been giving too much for too long without knowing how to replenish your tank or place boundaries around your reserves.
The Emotional Waves of Burnout
My experience with burnout came in waves, one crashing upon the next.
The first wave revolved around our move from living and working at a boarding school to our current suburban life. I struggled through a season of lost identity and decision fatigue. I
Instead of doing the deep heart work of healing, I focused my energy on creating something new within my career trajectory.
The second wave was more subtle in the aftermath of the COVID-19 epidemic. Even though my business was booming, I wasn’t feeling energized. At the same time, I was dealing with some very toxic situations that I didn’t know how to resolve. My high-functioning, trauma survival pattern set me on a course of avoidance as I head in another new direction.
I didn’t unload the pain, I buried it and carried it forward.
The last wave of burnout was the worst and yet the one that needed to happen to get my attention. I took on grad school (part-time is a misnomer) while managing a business and still parenting my youngest teens at the time. In that same season, I helped my two oldest daughters plan their weddings, and we lost my mother-in-law between both of those events. During that three-year span, I also experienced two horseback riding accidents, resulting in the decision not to purchase a beloved horse while rebelliously forging ahead in adopting my now dearly loved Kodiak Jack. I then opted to write a curriculum about said experience while still in grad school, balancing two internships during my senior year. Tired yet? Then, just as we were hitting the empty nest stage, sending our two youngest off to college, I was blindsided by circumstances outside of my control, which also affected the stability of my work and the environment for my horse.
I was in denial about the hardships, but still thanked God for His provisions in the midst of chaos.
And then something shifted. Gratitude turned to bitterness and despair.
I felt abandoned and betrayed, triggering deep pain from the past.
My soul was frozen.
There was a part of me that wanted to pray and hope and trust, but all I could do was worry myself into a Plan B escape route.
Can you relate? Have you experienced the emotional waves of burnout, where your story may be different, but the crashing of one event and experience upon another has beaten you down?
The Physical Signs of Burnout
My body was aching from the inside out. My joints hurt constantly. I was exhausted. I couldn’t fall asleep at night. I couldn’t keep my eyes open through the day.
Yes, the body keeps the score with these somatic symptoms of pain, crying out for relief.
I knew something wasn’t right, so I made an appointment to see my general practitioner, who listened to every symptom and didn’t dismiss my concerns. It was a joint decision with my therapist to address the anxiety symptoms, yet that never quite felt like the right fit.
And then that awful bullseye appeared on my shoulder, revealing Lyme disease was a contributing factor. Symptoms lessened with treatment initially, but six months later, I was in more physical pain, so the doctor ordered a comprehensive panel, which ruled out autoimmune issues, thyroid issues, and gave a little nod to needing some hormonal support. I went down that road, but it was a slow go.
Yet something else happened at that same time.
As a middle-aged woman, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Within the first week of medication, it was abundantly clear this was a life-long issue that I learned how to manage with resourceful habits and hacks, yet struggled with a significant amount of shame and guilt for when my “toolbox” came up short. The ADHD diagnosis is what propelled me into deep prayer and significant evaluation of my life habits.
What physical symptoms may be clues to your burnout? What physical limitations may be pointing to new solutions and strategies for how to reclaim your life?
From Limitless to Limited
My journey out of burnout began with finally paying attention to what my mind, heart, body, and soul were declaring. It was time to recognize that, contrary to the culture’s promises, I am not limitless. In fact , I am truly limited by emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual needs that were going unmet and unnoticed. It was time for a radical shift, and that began with noticing those needs and not dismissing them.
For the first time in my life, I quit ignoring my gut.
I quit pushing beyond limits.
I quit living for everyone else and returned to living for the One who made me.
Through embracing God’s extravagant grace and the incredible support of those around me, there was a seismic shift in my heart, mind, body and soul.
Busting out of burnout began with a holistic look at the state of my heart, mind, body, and soul.
It required tending to old childhood wounds that were begging for healing.
It required slowing down my schedule, carving out space for rest.
It required time to tend the wounds of grief and loss.
It required acknowledging the anger and stepping forward in forgiveness.
It required reassessing my core beliefs that compelled me to work beyond my human capacity.
It required redefining my identity and values.
It required releasing unrealistic expectations I held about how my life should look.
It required firing the panel of critics and realizing they no longer got a vote.
Through months of therapy supported by hard conversations with my husband and inner circle of friends, along with pursuing God for truth and receiving the teaching He poignantly placed in my life, the weight of burnout lifted.
God restored my life, not to what it was, but to what it was meant to be.
And in doing so, He reignited my faith through seeing His love in a fresh new way.
Yes, busting out of burnout led to a total restoration and transformation of my life from the inside out.
That is what I want for you, too.
Are you ready to bust out of burnout and reclaim your life?
Your next step is to download the Busting Out of Burnout resource to help you in the process of gaining clarity about the state of your life by exploring the symptoms of burnout and identifying your unmet needs.
Busting Out of Burnout Workbook
The Busting Out of Burnout resource will help you reclaim your life! Using the five steps from the ARISE Growth Model along with the Burnout Inventory and related worksheets, you’ll discover how to ARISE, stabilize, and thrive.
