Maybe it is Time to Quit

This is Part 10 in the Remarkable Series, a story chronicling the fulfillment of a dream and the rescue of Kodiak Jack, the horse I adopted from Omega Horse Rescue in July of 2022.

The human and horse lessons intertwined in our journey feel worthy of sharing . . . for those who simply need hope about second chances, for the want-to-be rescue horse owner who needs a primer on what to expect, for the frustrated equestrian who can’t figure out what is wrong with her horse, for the individual who has hit a relationship wall and desperately needs a new way of looking at life, and for the dreamer who is about to give up yet wonders if there is a still a possibility to see the vision realized.

So here I tell our story — one that is still unfolding. It captures the extravagance of God’s grace, the fruit of perseverance, the beauty of slow growth, and the remarkable gift of hope that comes through second chances. May it encourage you to press on, expecting the remarkable to manifest in your life too.

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Fourteen months.

That’s how long it has been since I shared a story about the Remarkable Kodiak Jack. While I could blame the silence on the busyness of life and unknowingly finding myself in burnout (more to come on that, so stay tuned), there were many other reasons his story — our story — went dark.

In fact, one might say that as I navigated through the dark soul of the night to come out on the other side, there were numerous times in which what I experienced in “humanville” to borrow Linda Parrelli’s terminolgy, left me feeling unsafe when it came to sharing about my struggles along with what was happening with Kody.

Ironically, I found myself in the same place once before. When I was leading More to Be and discerning what parts of my story to tell, I was often concerned about how it would affect my family, including my parents, husband, and children. It wasn’t just my story. It was their story too.

And it wasn’t the end of the story.

We were simply in the middle of a chapter without a clear ending in sight.

So, I went silent.

But now that I’m on the other side of burnout.

Now that the light is shining again.

Now that I feel God moving in my whole being, showing me fresh hope and beautiful redemption, I think the time has come to start sharing again, beginning with these thoughts I jotted down a few months ago.

Looking back, I think this was the last day of my burnout and the beginning of my breakthrough.

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I’m so glad I didn’t quit.

I didn’t quit when I was crumbling and overwhelmed by the needs in front of me.

I didn’t quit when I felt trapped by the decisions I made in blind hope.

I didn’t quit when my expectations were not being met.

I didn’t quit when I felt confused and incompetent.

I didn’t quit when I was misunderstood.

I didn’t quit when my body and Kody’s body revealed years of trauma and neglect buried deeper than we realized.

I didn’t quit when the answers were not apparent, and I had to keep searching.

I didn’t quit when I was told I was worrying too much.

I didn’t quit when we struggled to find the right place to call home of Kody . . . for us.

I didn’t quit when fear filled my bones.

I didn’t quit when anxious thoughts kept me awake at night.

I didn’t quit when it felt like the investment I made was beyond our stretching point.

I didn’t quit when I couldn’t see the end in sight.

I didn’t quit when it felt like I was the problem.

I didn’t quit when I was told we were the wrong match.

I didn’t quit when I didn’t know what the next moment would hold for either of us.

I didn’t quit when all joy felt forever lost.

I didn’t quit when health issues continued to beat me down.

I didn’t quit when the problems I saw in Kody’s body needed one more test, one more treatment.

I didn’t quit believing in the people who believed in me – in us.

I didn’t quit trusting God for His goodness and redemptive work.

I didn’t quit.

But then I did.

One thought at a time.

Healing forward.

I quit worrying about what others would think.

I quit calling myself a failure.

I quit thinking I was an impostor.

I quit listening to the inner panel of critics.

I quit living in fear.

I quit avoiding conflict.

I quit giving attention to what everyone else was doing.

I quit second-guessing myself.

I quit ignoring my gut.

I quit allowing anxiety to drive my actions.

I quit striving for a milestone that was not mine to set.

I quit settling for the answers from the gurus.

I quit setting unrealistic expectations.

I quit, and then I began to live.

In the here and now.

Being present to the present, with gratitude and grit and grace.

I quit believing we were broken beyond repair.

And then, we began to heal.

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My story may not be your story. My horse may not be like your horse. My struggle may not be your struggle.

But even so, maybe it is time for you to quit all that is holding you back from healing.

No matter where you find yourself stuck today, there is a way forward. There is a lesson to be learned. There is growth that can come. There is joy on the other side of this darkness.

Oh yes, so much joy. My friend at the barn captured it best when she said, “You look like a little girl having the best time on your pony.” She saw what I felt in the exhilaration of breakthrough, trotting in open spaces by ourselves, cantering in circles of various sizes, and hacking down around the pond, taking in all the sounds of birds chirping and the willow tree blowing in the breeze. This ease, this joy, this finding calm, this healing, allowing me to simply be, was worth not quitting . . . not quitting on Kody, not quitting on myself.

It is not about pulling yourself up from your bootstraps and trying harder, my friend.

Getting to the other side of burnout isn’t about more effort, more striving, more dying to self.

Breakthrough from burnout is about recognizing your limits, hitting a holy pause, and asking for help.

I didn’t get to the other side of burnout alone.

My therapist provided a safe place to process all the heartache buried within my heart, mind, body, and soul. It was deeper than the wounds of the present. There was long-overdue work to tend to.

Therapy has been life-transforming, along with the incredible inner circle of family and friends that carried me through. Being supported by amazing people who guided, supported, and challenged me to care for myself while I continued to work and serve in various capacities is a gift from God!

Most of all, even while I was questioning God’s plans, He held me close, whispering hope to my soul (Isaiah 61:1-8). He reminded me that what I needed was less striving and more rest (Hebrews 4:9). Through time in His Word, I was revived from deep within (Psalm 119:49-50). His divine appointments triggered a reimagination of my purpose (Ephesians 3:7), rekindling my calling to walk in freedom (Psalm 119:45) and be an ambassador of His grace and truth (Acts 20:24).

Burnout may be awful, but when this kind of breakthrough comes, you can’t help but be thankful that rock bottom was what was needed to boldly live life again!

While you might find yourself in a place in which faith in God is not part of your life or the community around you is the main contributing factor to your burnout, I’m here to tell you that I still believe healing is possible for you.

Whether you’re burned out, stressed out, or simply sputtering out, I’m here to help you turn your life around.

It’s time for YOUR breakthrough.

Let’s start with a Clarity Consultation Call to determine your best next step towards a breakthrough so I can help you stabilize and thrive in the life you were meant to live!